It always gets better.

Getting stronger?

These last three weeks have been tough. I have been having panic attacks all over the place, which is very exhausting. However, I’ve learned how to control them a little bit better lately. Medication would still be the best option though, as it is taking away from my school work.

I did have a panic attack at work today though. Too many people were there and it was getting noisier. I paid close attention to the symptoms I experienced and in what order. It went something like:

• Look up at customer
• Suddenly everything looks darker and like it’s falling away
• Heart feels like it’s just dropped and then begins racing
• Head experiences hot tingling, especially in the temples
• Forget where I am, why I’m there
• Get the sense of not being in control
• Panic

This happened in under a few seconds. The hardest part is not showing this. I can’t let anyone know that I have succumbed to a panic attack. So I closed my eyes for a split second, took a deep breath and pushed through. I continued talking to and interacting with the customer. They may have wondered why I was blinking funny, but that is all that I let them see. It was very, very difficult but I did make it and I didn’t run away.

This is a slight accomplishment.