February 2012
9 posts
2 tags
2 tags
7 tags
More success
It is my 3rd week of Celexa, and I’m on the lowest dose (10mg).
I don’t know if it’s me or the medicine or the Placebo effect or a combination of the three, but I have had a significant drop in the number of panic attacks and panic attack-related symptoms. It is considerably easier to sit through classes and rehearsals, to walk through crowded areas like hallways and stores and...
4 tags
Welcoming a cold
I am thankful for it.
Why, you might ask?
Because, to an emetophobe like me, anything that’s not nausea or throwing up is fine with me. So, if I am to get sick, I would 110% rather it be a cold than stomach flu. (Touch wood that it’s just a cold)
But for now, happiness!
January 2012
18 posts
2 tags
parent logic
“eating disorder” —> can’t go away to university —> can’t go to school until I eat breakfast —> must do several victory laps in order to reduce stress —> must do things to make me “happy” (which means making me extremely unhappy, resentful and hateful)
all because of an assumed eating disorder.
maybe do your own fucking...
7 tags
6 tags
I Have Never Loved Someone - My Brightest...
5 tags
Today's therapy session
I found out that acupuncture is good for dealing with panic attacks.
…who knew. I will do more research on that.
6 tags
A personal coping technique
Whenever I’m stuck in a situation that I know I can’t
a) leave, b) bail on, or c) escape
I trick my mind a little bit. I set myself a time limit. For example, it’s 3:30pm. My class goes for another hour. I really want to leave because I’m uncomfortable or nervous, so I say “at 3:45pm I will allow myself to get out to walk around”. By the time 3:45 rolls...
3 tags
Celexa, day 3
Most noticeable side effect: headaches
However, this may or may not be from the medication. I have had a massive, throbbing headache all day, but I am exhausted, hungry and stressed. I won’t “blame” it on the meds just yet.
Also, the placebo effect on my mind is incredible. I was able to sit through a class without a panic attack, which hasn’t happened in a while....
4 tags
Day 1 - Celexa
Use: panic disorder, anxiety
Feelings: flipping scared.
Scared, exhausted, hopeless.
I cried for almost an hour and a half. That never happens to me.
I’m losing it.
1 tag
rubiesymusica replied to your post: Nearly had a panic attack during a presentation today,
I have had experiences like that. It seems like the only classes I get As in have speeches required or worse, group presentations while everyone else get Bs and asks me how I get through it.
I feel your pain! It’s funny how the mind works. It’s not ideal, of course, but I suppose it could be...
6 tags
Nearly had a panic attack during a presentation...
but I fought it. I still felt horribly overcome with nerves, though. It could have gone a lot better, but it also could have been worse. I need to remember to calm down…
However, I was told that I was very “sophisticated” and “professional” when I was speaking. That kind of surprised me - how could I still appear composed when really, I was having a meltdown in my...
3 tags
7 tags
8 tags
Scientists discover the most relaxing tune ever;
...
3 tags
6 tags
Panic attacks at work
Are very hard to deal with. It’s hard not to let anyone see what’s going inside my mind.
I need to remember to relax.
3 tags
3 tags
December 2011
25 posts
3 tags
Lesson learned.
Don’t ever leave without saying goodbye. I thought I learned that the first time… but I made the same mistake again.
That ruined my day and I’m still feeling distraught.
4 tags
2 tags
3 tags
Fix You - Coldplay
Lights will guide you home...
1 tag
rubiesymusica replied to your post: 3 weeks later…
Oh I know what you’re feeling as I read it I guessed what the reaction was. Talk to her and show her that you want to move forward, not stay stuck in a bad place. Talk until she gives in, you are worth it!
Thanks so much for your kind words :)
After all that, she did end up sending the information to my doctor. Now it’s just a...
3 tags
1 tag
5 tags
3 weeks later...
I had a doctor’s appointment three weeks ago yesterday. At that appointment, I talked to her and my mother about going on meds for anxiety and panic disorder. Everything was great; mum agreed to fax information as soon as she could.
I hadn’t heard anything about it - no follow up, nothing - so I decided to ask. I found out that my mother had not even touched the stuff she was supposed...
8 tags
Performance tonight
I’m nervous… not about screwing up, but because this is a huge panic attack trigger.
Tonight is panic disorder meets social anxiety.
Someone’s going to be videotaping everything. So if I have a panic attack during a performance, it will be caught entirely on film and put on Facebook. It is the hardest thing in the world not to let it show at all.
So I’m nervous. Wish me...
fresh-effect asked: We emetophobics have to stick together through the highs and lows and I hope you have alot more highs now than lows :)
4 tags
Just a thought
I need to remember to relax. There’s rarely (and I mean rarely) ever going to be a time where I will have no possible work to do. I need to learn to be okay with that.
At the same time, I also need to learn to be efficient at working… sigh.
4 tags
3 tags
fresh-effect asked: I just read your success post on the emetophobia tag Congratulations :D !
1 tag
9 tags
Success (at last)
I went to a restaurant. Voluntarily. I could’ve chosen not to go, but I went.
I didn’t have any panic attacks all day. Not at work, not in the restaurant, not anywhere.
I ate meat at the restaurant. Not a huge amount, but enough that would normally make me uncomfortable.
I touched public doors, menus, etc. Didn’t get freaked out or very anxious; it barely even phased me.
I...
4 tags
4 tags
1 tag
je dois devenir un mur. un mur en acier.
don’t let anything in.
2 tags
5 tags
9 tags
Getting stronger?
These last three weeks have been tough. I have been having panic attacks all over the place, which is very exhausting. However, I’ve learned how to control them a little bit better lately. Medication would still be the best option though, as it is taking away from my school work.
I did have a panic attack at work today though. Too many people were there and it was getting noisier. I paid...